Her Perspective

I hear it at least once a week... "Your son is so cute! He's such a flirt. You're going to have to keep a close eye on him when he's older!" I always make a point to acknowledge half of your comment. "Yes, he is a cutie!" I say, as I shrug it off and try not to show my annoyance. I know what you're probably thinking ... "Sensitive much? Jess, what's the big deal about a simple comment, meant as a compliment?" While I appreciate people delighting in my offspring like I do, I don't appreciate the extra, negative labels. You see, the verb flirt is synonymous with "tease", "toy", and "lead on". The noun "trifler" "philanderer" (womanizer) and heartbreaker, among others. Did I miss the part when those things became something we want our children to aspire to? I understand flirting is healthy and helpful in establishing a new relationship or keeping the spark in a committed o

After getting out of an extremely abusive relationship, I was dumbfounded by how I even got mixed up with the guy. Mind you, it wasn't physically abusive. Which, actually makes it harder for anyone to recognize. That's the abuse I am talking about in this post... the silent kind.. that often goes unnoticed, until it's too late. Though I can now look back and see red flags, I didn't then. The man wasn't consistent with his medication for multiple diagnosed mental illnesses and also had a very serious undiagnosed mental disorder . So keep in mind there were a lot of calculated tactics and numerous lies strategically placed to keep me from the truth. Regardless, things stand out now that didn't then.  Had I been given a checklist of what qualifies as abuse - beyond physical violence - what I was enduring would've checked all of those boxes. That checklist would've looked something like this.  If you are in a relationship and find yourself up aga