Skip to main content

Why we should stop labeling our sons as flirts and heartbreakers...



I hear it at least once a week... "Your son is so cute! He's such a flirt. You're going to have to keep a close eye on him when he's older!" I always make a point to acknowledge half of your comment. "Yes, he is a cutie!" I say, as I shrug it off and try not to show my annoyance.

I know what you're probably thinking ... "Sensitive much? Jess, what's the big deal about a simple comment, meant as a compliment?"

While I appreciate people delighting in my offspring like I do, I don't appreciate the extra, negative labels.

You see, the verb flirt is synonymous with "tease", "toy", and "lead on". The noun "trifler" "philanderer" (womanizer) and heartbreaker, among others.

Did I miss the part when those things became something we want our children to aspire to?

I understand flirting is healthy and helpful in establishing a new relationship or keeping the spark in a committed one. But outside of that, it truly has no place.

I fear our familiarity with the word, prevents it from carrying weight or provoking much thought.

Especially when in regards to our young sons, we say it in a sweet and innocent way. Or at least, that's what we think we are doing.

But honestly, what is sweet and innocent about telling my son he is a womanizer? Or that he is going to demolish the emotions of women when he grows up to be a "heartbreaker"?

I don't see the value in labeling our sons in such a way anymore than I would if we called them rapists and murders.

Sure breaking physical bodies and breaking emotions are different. They are different degrees of corruption and injustice.

But both are a prophecy of negativity that I pray my son doesn't grow up and partner with.

There is nothing noble about any of those things.

Parenting is hard enough without the extra challenge of trying to help our children remove unnecessary, negative labels people have put on them. Even if those placing the labels had "good intentions" or were offering a "compliment."

If you want to support me as a parent or love on my son, tell him he is capable and worthy. Tell him he is a man of God... tell him that he is a man of integrity and good character or that he is strong and compassionate.

Don't tell him he's a flirt and a heartbreaker.

I won't say it to your son either.

Deal?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

when you're wrongly judged...

“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”   ―  Dietrich Bonhoeffer ,  The Cost of Discipleship When you are wrongly judged...   Keep your integrity so beautifully   intact that those who tried to discredit your character will eventually have no choice but to swallow the painfully obvious truth of who you are - a good person - despite their best efforts to convince themselves and others you are a monster.   That is when your victory will come.   It will not come in the heat of the moment when you bark back and try to defend yourself.  It won't come in the moment of weakness when you try to show who the real problem is in the situation and you just end up making yourself look crazy. No, they want a response. They want to prod at you until you explode because then they can assure themselves "See! I'm right! Look how awful she is!"  It ...

11 things that happen when you date a narcissistic, pathological liar...

"Narcissists are masters of illusion, they play the poor abused victim while in truth they are wreaking havoc by torturing, mistreating and abusing those that they fooled into loving them." After I met my narcissistic sociopathic ex, I called my best friend and told her I had met the love of my life and if it wasn't this guy, it wouldn't be anyone. Because no one could ever live up to the type of person he presented himself to be and I wouldn't have such magnificent chemistry with any other human. He was so sweet and innocent, I told her it didn't seem unreasonable that he could possibly even be a virgin... which would likely make him the only adult virgin male I knew. He was an answer to prayer, I was sure. God was coming through for me and brought me the man of my dreams and I was ecstatic.  Eventually I learned who he presented himself to be and who he actually is, are completely different people. Eventually I learned what it's like to go face...

Your suffering is valid... even if you aren't a starving child in Africa

"Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal." - Vironika Tugaleva Not long ago, a friend and I were talking and sharing things we could each use prayer for. After I spoke, she replied "Oh my gosh, I have absolutely no reason to complain about my problems when you're going through that!" I kindly corrected her. "Your problems are valid. We are all doing the best we can with what we have. What you're going through is unique and challenging to you. What I'm going through is unique and challenging to me." You've probably had similar conversations during your life with someone who either dismisses their own problems because yours seem worse, or dismisses yours because someone else has it worse. Here's the thing: Suffering is personal, not quantifiable. Of course there are people in the world who have it worse than us. But does that mean one's sufferin...