Her Perspective

"Narcissists are masters of illusion, they play the poor abused victim while in truth they are wreaking havoc by torturing, mistreating and abusing those that they fooled into loving them." After I met my narcissistic sociopathic ex, I called my best friend and told her I had met the love of my life and if it wasn't this guy, it wouldn't be anyone. Because no one could ever live up to the type of person he presented himself to be and I wouldn't have such magnificent chemistry with any other human. He was so sweet and innocent, I told her it didn't seem unreasonable that he could possibly even be a virgin... which would likely make him the only adult virgin male I knew. He was an answer to prayer, I was sure. God was coming through for me and brought me the man of my dreams and I was ecstatic.  Eventually I learned who he presented himself to be and who he actually is, are completely different people. Eventually I learned what it's like to go face...

"All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is." - Buddha  As I was driving to work this morning I was listening to one of those radio segments… you know where they try to catch a cheater in the act. This one in particular the female DJ calls up whoever is suspected of cheating and pretends to be from a new floral shop in town. She offers the person an opporutnity to send a “sexy bouquet" of long stemmed “steamy”,  red roses to the person’s “special someone” at no cost other than a post on social media about the floral company as a way for them to gain popularity and build their business.  It always ends one of two ways: either the person suspected of cheating asks the flowers be sent to their significant other and eliminates the suspicions that they were cheating; or, they ask to send the flowers to someone other than their significant other and they confirm their partner's suspicions that they are in fact cheating. If the...

The stats are that 1 out of every 3 women and 1 out of every 4 men are victims of some form of abuse by an intimate partner in their lifetime. That's crazy to think about, isn't it? In theory, that means one third of all the women and one fourth of all the men that you know have been abused. With how disgustingly common abuse is today, one would hope others would be familiar enough with it to know how to talk to an abuse survivor without causing further hurt and shame to them or that we would be equipped to help encourage a friend to leave an abusive relationship. But all too often, that's not the case. It's still "hush-hush" - a taboo subject. Most of us hardly know how to respond if someone just tells us they had a bad day. We feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say or how to comfort them. So hearing someone we know and love has been a victim of abuse ?... Well how do we even begin to handle that? What do we say? I'll get to that in a ...

“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”   ―  Dietrich Bonhoeffer ,  The Cost of Discipleship When you are wrongly judged...   Keep your integrity so beautifully   intact that those who tried to discredit your character will eventually have no choice but to swallow the painfully obvious truth of who you are - a good person - despite their best efforts to convince themselves and others you are a monster.   That is when your victory will come.   It will not come in the heat of the moment when you bark back and try to defend yourself.  It won't come in the moment of weakness when you try to show who the real problem is in the situation and you just end up making yourself look crazy. No, they want a response. They want to prod at you until you explode because then they can assure themselves "See! I'm right! Look how awful she is!"  It ...

Single-parents know it’s hard for others to imagine, but as stressed as you are as a full-time student, as an active member of the full-time workforce, a stay at home mom to 4, or as a dad who works full-time and also coaches his sons football team, being a single parent is like the stress of all of those combined in one. We don’t only worry about the house needing to be vacuumed and the kids needing to be picked up from school. Or getting off work and mustering up the energy to help our kids with their homework. Our minds are this cluttered at  all   times: “Once I get done at work, I need to pick up the kids from the babysitters house, go home, make dinner, do the laundry that hasn’t been done in 3 weeks so the kids have something to wear tomorrow besides a bath towel…speaking of baths, the kids need a bath…when even was the last time they had one? I should wash the bed sheets when I’m doing laundry anyways and the kids should have a bath before I put the clean shee...

" They have to have four arms, four legs, four eyes, two hearts and double the love. There is nothing "single" about a single-parent." While there are several joys and advantages to being a single-parent, there is also a side to it that is painfully isolating because those who aren't in the situation will never fully be able to understand it. So my intention in writing this blog is not to complain about how "awful" life is and tell everyone to "take pity on us poor, miserable, single parents." My hope is that in sharing this with you who aren't single parents, that maybe this will give you more insight into our lives so you better know how to befriend or encourage us. Recently I’ve seen some blogs circulating the Internet attempting to explain what single parenthood is like. Here's my own spin on it: 1.) Just because we can do most things by ourselves, doesn’t mean we want to. Sure I can change my oil, flat tire, fix the ...

                                     "There is strength in humility and weakness in pride." You have this conversation multiple times a day... you know how it goes...  “How are you doing?”  "Great! And you?"  "Great!" ... Except for when it's not great but society makes you feel like you need to lie about it.  Have you tried to give a different response, a more genuine one, only to be shut down? Have you tried to open up even just a little bit only to hear in response “oh that’s too bad, I’ll be praying for you.” Yeah... I have heard that too. Then most of the time (depending on who you talked to) you walk away thinking “They probably won't be praying for me. They said that because they felt awkward and didn’t know how to respond.”  Or how about the time you told one of your friend something heavy you were dealing with only to be told the whole “...