Her Perspective

"She was a forgiver. Her heart was so large, she didn't know how to give up on people because she always believed the good in those she loved." - C.R. Bittar Abuse is a process that unfolds very slowly with calculated tactics by a master manipulator. Abusers don't walk up to you and punch you on the first date. I feel the need to clarify the obvious, because so many of you seem to be confused. So many of you, don't know why victims stay. You think we are ignorant. You think we have low self-eseteem. You think we are poor. You think we are a certain ethnicity. You think we are uneducated. You think our dads abused us; therefore we sought a man who would reinforce the negative self-image we must've adapted from fathers who tainted our perception of ourselves. You think we are poor judges of character. You think we are naive. You think we came from broken homes. You think we don't know how to read people and are gullible. .... and ...

" The way we talk to our children becomes their inner-voice ." My son is a very active toddler who is full of energy and has a mischievous personality. A few weeks ago I found he had gotten into markers and was coloring on my bedroom furniture. "Bravery!" I exclaimed. "Is that something you should be doing?" I was shocked at his reply "Me, bad boy." I quickly replied "No, you're not a bad boy. You're a good boy. But you did make a bad decision." He argued "Me, bad boy." It's continued since then. Every time I have to correct or redirect him he has been telling me "Me, bad boy." I don't know where this idea came from. I'm not sure if someone who was watching him told him he was a bad boy. But it breaks my heart and I am trying my hardest to get him to stop saying it. I'm sure some wouldn't give it a second thought. I'm sure some frequently use that very phrase to poin...

" God is the only one who can love everything you are despite everything you're not. " You know when you're in one of those really rough seasons how it's easy to wonder if God is even there? You feel abandoned and it seems like you have no capacity to improve your situation. You just need someone to throw you a lifeline. I've been there.  Recently, I was in a season of complete burnout. Of feeling like God was only there when I performed and checked all the boxes. I could only keep that up for so long before I ran out of steam. That mixed with several other life circumstances that all hit at once (Because that's what they do, right? All hit at once...) and I was done. I had nothing left to give.  And I was PISSED. ...pissed at God.  Can I be super honest?  At the peak of it all, there was a night that was particularly brutal. I was laying on my bathroom floor. Crying and screaming at God "Where the hell are you?!" ...

"I'm thankful for every break in my heart. I'm grateful for every scar. Some pages were turned, some bridges were burned, but there were lessons learned." How often have you looked back on your life with a different perspective than the one you had during the midst of a specific memory? Maybe the pain from a terrible event has subdued with time. Maybe the resentment you once carried is no longer there and you gained the ability to see the other person's perspective - which now allows you to extend grace. Time is a beautiful gift, isn't it? Some horrific events, surely are an exception. Anyone who has lost a loved one could attest to this. I suspect you never get to a point in life where that memory doesn't hurt and your heart no longer aches with longing. Even though grieving changes with time, nobody ever gets to a place of gratitude for the loved one they lost. I would never insinuate that because that would be foolish. However, with respect to ...